What was the first real image or moment that became “Shampoo” before it ever became a song?
Shampoo came from an emotion I’ve experienced a few times toward the end of a relationship. There is this inconceivable notion that you and your partner will inevitably be intimate with other people, and each time I’ve found that such a scary image. You know that it’s totally acceptable and that there is nothing you can do about it, the commitment that was made between two people is now broken and you just have to accept that. That feeling is where the initial idea for Shampoo was born.
What draws you to that grey area where nothing has fully collapsed yet?
I think the grey area is more interesting. I like to bask in the happy and sad of it all. I don’t think one truly views anything clearly at the beginning or the end. Clarity comes with time and time makes you neutral, so it is easier to admit fault and understand pain.
At what point does intuition tell you a relationship is already over, even when everything on the surface is still functioning?
Most of my breakups have been friendships, which I think are worse than romantic endings. So with that context, in my experience, no two endings of any human relationship are the same. Being blindsided, not wanting to admit it’s over, or being the one to pull the trigger, I think broadly they are all the same. Once it’s over, it’s over.
“Shampoo” turns something ordinary into a trigger for emotional recognition. Why do small details feel more honest to you than big dramatic moments?
The ordinary can be harder to come to terms with than the drama, because sometimes the ordinary operates within helplessness. I’ve been in situations where there is no fixing the fact that two people aren’t meant to exist in each other’s reality forever. Nothing big happens, it just fizzles. Big drama fueled blowouts can generally be fixed because usually someone is in the wrong, but the ordinary lives somewhere so much deeper. I’ve found it hurts much more.
Do you think people recognise endings in real time, or only ever in hindsight like the version described in “Shampoo”?
For me it’s always hindsight. When things end in real time, adrenaline takes over to help you survive. Hindsight gives clarity, and clarity is how you move on.
When you were building this EP, what emotional truth did you feel yourself returning to again and again without trying to?
When I was writing this body of work, I was in this very strange period of my life where my deep relationships were coming and going, and I found it very all consuming. The only way I knew how to deal with it was to write about it. The emotional core of the EP is the title Without You Is Hard. I truly realised how hard life is without friends, family, and love.
The Hospital exists as both a project and a place. How does “Shampoo” expand or change that place emotionally?
The intention with any music I make as The Hospital is for it to be relatable and enjoyable. The point of the name is how healing music is for me. I want it to be a companion for those who need it.
What is something about love or connection that you now understand in a more complicated way than when you started this project?
That love is never a guarantee and it’s not to be taken for granted. I honestly believe you have to love yourself to be loved. This is not to be confused with vanity or ego.
In “Shampoo,” familiarity becomes slightly unsettling rather than comforting. What do you think makes recognition turn that way?
If you get lazy in love, that fire dims. I’ve always found this unsettling because sometimes you don’t see it coming. Life has its own plan for you. I believe you just have to be the best version of yourself for you and others. The rest you can’t control.
If someone listens to “Shampoo” at the exact wrong moment in their life, what do you hope it quietly reveals to them about their own experience?
My music is an offering from me to the listener to share my experience in the hopes they recognise a part of their own story in mine, to feel less alone. I want you to be thinking about your loved ones when listening to my music, not mine.
